HAPPY NEW YEAR

It's new years eve and here i am alone at home. I don't even know why I'm sad... or why i've been doing alot of thinking. What will the year 2009 hold for me?  

I will be enlisting in 2 months time. Change of environment and all. Where boys become men, or so they say. Only time will tell.  

Someone will be flying off again. And this time I actually teared thinking about it. I never did the past few times. Does this mean my feelings have surpassed what it used to be? Could I wait another 2 years for you to come back and stay for good. I don't want to date around anymore. This entire time you're here i've been happy. Knowing i'll probably see you again soon. Then it hit me... you're leaving in a few days time... again.  

I just received news at 11pm... an hour before 2009. My dad's cousin who have been battling cancer just drew in her last breathe.  

Year 2008, holds good and bad memories. I just hope and pray for a good 2009. Happy New Year to me.....

Excuses, excuses, excuses

i'm back online...... gosh! what? it's been like ages since i last blogged. before all start accusing me  of being lazy, let me explain myself. There were several reasons why i stopped blogging... some valid, n some maybe invalid. 

here are some of the reasons...

i was healing a very broken heart

my desktop crashed

my laptop's infested with viruses i couldnt access Internet Explorer

i simply wasn't inspired to write

i was too busy looking for a job

i didnt bother uploading any pics thus no pics here either

and the last reason...........

I WAS LAZY!!!!

but what matters is i'm back again. =)

Loving Life

i've done my part.... i've seeked forgiveness... and if even during this beautiful month of Syawal, you can't find it in your heart to forgive me. I raise the white flag. 

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on a brighter note..... i've finally passed my Final Year Project. Yes, I am a graduand. Now I just await NS and my graduation ceremony in May 09. 

Things just keep getting better doesn't it? 

NS

Over the past 2 weeks, one by one my friends went in to serve National Service... some were okay with it some were not. It'll be my turn pretty soon and I wonder what it'll be like.

No point feeling all horrible about it cause like it or not don't really have much of a choice. Still have to go through. This clip is hilarious though... i smiled throughout watching this. enjoy!

Open a new page

i'm closing the book and burning it.... along with all the articles from the past few months.

Closed the book sometime back but I realised keeping it with me will only make me want to flip open the pages again and again.

It is time........

I've got to be strong and I know I can do this.

This chapter of my life has ended and a new 1 will begin...

Like u said, i'll go to hell.... and i ain't turning back. You can die for all i care.

040608

Such a meaningful date....

been 3 months since

never forgot never will.

for it means much... to me. 

When you already see someone as perfect no matter all the flaws that person have... 

When no matter how mad you feel after an argument, you don't stay mad for long...

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something happened as i was typing that...... tore me apart. and all my wonderful thoughts went away. now its.........................

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i'm leaving not coz i dun care but coz u don't need me anymore. i'll disappear and it won't even be your fault.......... 

goodbye

i don't see a reason to live.

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will always be here

don't get me wrong i ain't angry at you... you know it's always been hard for me to even stay angry at you.

truth is..... i miss the old times. i miss it when i had you to myself. i miss spending time with you and being happy, not worrying about anything or anyone else. i miss when we could just look at each other and laugh at that. Most importantly.... i miss you.

and since i kinda lost all that..... i'm sorry i'm all sour.

i never thot it'll have to end this way

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The frustration's so unbearable. No amount of sorries is going to make up for the fact that 

you lied

you were nonchalant

you said u cared but did otherwise

we were supposed to talk things out but you were on bed with someone else

you FUCKING MADE OUT IN FRONT OF ME KNOWING I WAS A WRECK AS IT IS!!!!!!!!

ASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHOREASSHOLE BITCH SLUT WHORE

^^^^that's not for you, that's for HIM! 

So now leave me alone... you have him anyway. I'll make things less complicated for you. He is complaining that it is very complicated. With me out of the picture maybe it'll be easier for you aite? You'll do everything guilt free.......... 

I see him laughin in the back. Smiling. Getting what he wanted. I felt the photo in my cam was DELIBERATE. The gigantic lovebite was DELIBERATE. I admit defeat. I don't play these games cause i think they're SICK.

Lastly, i hereby lift that promise i made to you. No you do not need to care about it. Cause you WON'T find out what's gonna happen. Go occupy yourself with thoughts of HIM.

Goodbye my love, my mentor, my friend........

n btw, here's a tip.... next time if you say 

you still care about someone

that the someone still means much to you

that you still love the someone

you still miss that someone........

if you're gonna make him experience what I did on the night of Saturday 30th August 2008.... just stab him with a knife through the heart aite..it's faster n less tormenting. I know i would have preferred that. 

The sick games people play..................

follower

i made plans for us.... and it's turned. all of a sudden it's someone else's plan. I was the one who was called to confirm if I'm going.

I made the plan thinking it'll be like before... a 2day 1 night trip. Before you go for your service, i know you wanted a trip. And I got it all settled.

All of a sudden it wasn't my trip to plan anymore.... more people were going and they made the plans. It hurts....... i wanted to talk and settle stuff and have fun. but now all i can do is follow.........