follower

i made plans for us.... and it's turned. all of a sudden it's someone else's plan. I was the one who was called to confirm if I'm going.

I made the plan thinking it'll be like before... a 2day 1 night trip. Before you go for your service, i know you wanted a trip. And I got it all settled.

All of a sudden it wasn't my trip to plan anymore.... more people were going and they made the plans. It hurts....... i wanted to talk and settle stuff and have fun. but now all i can do is follow.........

lost

i'm lost with my unwavering love for you...... 

Dreaded

I've forgotten what a peaceful night is like..... tears stream down my face as flashbacks go through my head. Sometimes smiling as i cry to myself remembering happy times, sometimes sobbing uncontrollably. 

Even in the day, everything i see or do reminds me. How much we were around each other. how many things we've done together. My eyes are sore and red from crying and people have said i've changed. I don't want you to see me this way.

Sleep seems the only time my mind stops. But even sleep seems tough. Heading for bed only around 5am. Going through an hour or 2 of rolling around and sobbing. Ending up sleeping on a wet pillow. Only to wake up in about 3-4 hours. 

All hopes dashed.... i feel it's all over for me. How i used to get over a relationship so quickly last time, just seem impossible with this one. My heart hurts as i feel it shattering slowly. How you got over me so quickly.

But just for you, specially for you.... i'll fake my smiles. Coz no, i don't want you to worry about me. Coz even I don't know now when i'm truly smiling or faking it. I guess my real and sincere smiles are when I end up smiling and tearing at the same time. Coz happiness to me nw is such a rare emotion.

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We were as one, babe

For a moment in time

And it seemed everlasting

That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free

So I'll let you fly

'Cause I know in my heart, babe

Our love will never die

No



You'll always be a part of me

I'm part of you indefinitely

Boy, don't you know you can't escape me

Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

And we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feeling this strong

No way you're never gonna shake me

Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

you realise how much you truly love someone only when they're gone....

lesson learnt the hard way

Sorry

i'm sorry i was hurtful

i'm sorry i was mean

i'm sorry i wasn't really there

i'm sorry i called you names

i'm sorry i dashed your hopes

i'm sorry i wasnt able to give you what you wanted

most importantly....

i'm sorry i knew what you didnt need but i still did it anyway

i cry myself to sleep each night not able to forgive myself.....

but babe please.....

please forgive me

just can't

these smiles are fake and I just cant begin how to describe what I feel inside......

"take a picture, it lasts longer!"

i took ur advice.... i took many pictures. and true enough, they last longer.

040808

maybe deep down I still hope it will all go back to happier times.....

then I remember I put you through so much misery and I don't want it to happen all over again.

I still haven't forgiven myself for that.